I stumbled across this article by Travis Bradbury last year - 60% of your colleagues are lying to you - and found it curious, the article was about how to spot a liar. Instead isn't it more important to help people to better understand their own truth? To explore why we lie? or to give direction for the individual to change?
In the article Travis eludes that most people lie within a 10 minute conversation. From observing myself and others it became evident that most people are worried that someone will judge them. This is what Carl Jung refers to as our Persona/s - "a kind of mask, designed on the one hand to make a definite impression upon others, and on the other to conceal the true nature of the individual".
When I was 20 years old, I had a dose of Magic Mushrooms and half way through the experience I had a realisation. That "We put on exterior suits to live our lives". That there were different suits for different people; my parents, my grand parents, within different friendship groups, and with my colleagues. In this realisation I learned that I still had the innocence and curiosity of a child underneath, but to navigate the world I wore different suits that I identified as my personality or me. I made a decision to make this a permanent realisation as my 2nd tattoo, for ultimate accountability to myself. To keep aware of the suit that I was wearing at any given time and to ensure the suit I'm wearing, is always one that I want to wear.
Fear of judgement from others is something all of us will face over the coarse of our lives. We may not be happy with who we are, so we tell white lies, or small miss-truths. What I've realised is the most important thing to be able to overcome these lies and miss-truths is to find a few people that you can truly be vulnerable around. People that won't use your truths against you, and whom you can talk to without fear of persecution.
This isn't a task that is finished in a day, but a continual process. Once you've identified the people that you can open up to you can begin to express less personal truths and to open up your persona, and reveal the child or monkey underneath. The less personal truths might be, ambitions that you have or people that you admire. As you navigate these lighter truths/topics and have begun to build on your vulnerabilities with family or friends and feel safe in the discussions, then you can start to have discussions that are more personal to you. The conversations or thoughts that may be troubling you, or the conversations that you may have been dreading and bottling up. These are where our traumas lie, in conversations that haven't been had.
By navigating your vulnerabilities, you begin to spend more time living in your truth and away from the lies of validation. This will also have a reciprocal effect, when you show vulnerability so will the person you're sharing with. What will usually come from this is the understanding that we all share similar problems or concerns, and that it is easier to navigate them with others.
I've been working on this process for a few years and have realised an easy way for me to navigate the murky waters of conversation and persona is based on intentions. So long as I have a good intention in every conversation I have, I can trust my brain not to overthink. To entertain conversations with good intentions relies upon having a good understanding of yourself and what you value. This can only be discovered through vulnerable conversations.
For me, I've found comfort in my intentions; To Help, To Understand, or to have an interesting conversation.
It isn't an easy path to take, but once you're moving, it becomes difficult to imagine any other path.
